Posts Tagged ‘hilarity’

Melodramatics in Economy

// May 28th, 2010 // No Comments » // Travel

Morning, 27th of May, Abu Dhabi Airport.

Two doses of Dioxylamine drowned out three crying babies and their Balkan entourage for me to garner almost ten hours rest on the long haul from Melbourne. Wide eyed with foreknowledge of each of the inevitable steps that would mark this cinematic torment, I queued “The Book of Eli”. Denzel Washington was admirably stoic, in this Ragnorak style defeat of character, actor and audience- all merely playing out our parts, without hope of redemption or release, each blow leading the film closer to wherever it is that such films go to die, and me to dreamless, chemical sleep.

I awoke to a sunrise over a very different part of the world and a concert of crying that unfortunately had not found better harmony despite admirably long hours of practice. I found partial reinvigoration in fruits, a vivid awareness of my lack of progeny, and in the Keats romance, “Bright Star”. Before the conclusion of the narrative, we began descent to Abu Dhabi, so in my imagination Keats is eternally bound between the sufferings of insufferable romance and the creeping “condition” of a pre-Florean pathology. I have no desire to see the remainder, nor for any reconciliation toward unity or deathly division, nor to break the frozen amber dance of Pathos and Thanatos, which says more about Keats than any final falling of life or love.

I transited through the airport and my first taste of the Gulf was an acute awareness of the decided lack of expected decadence. Where is my gold dispensing machine? Where is the retro steam engine whisking me away for an indoor BASE jump, or the Emirati “skill-tester” featuring falconry and Rolexes hidden inside of lesser birds? Perhaps my expectations are based on fantasy and advertising, or perhaps there’s another airport- constructed on a manmade island shaped like JFK (the man not the airport) where the pharaonic desires of the rich in transit are born and met.

The bareness of the gate suggests both a fear that some obviously non-citizen types may take quiet refuge on a bench or other horizontal plane, and that the seat-loving elite are being led elsewhere. I take short solace with a well-travelled Italian coffee brand and some carrot cake that reminds me of playgrounds and being eight.  I open the Economist, which once again predicts the demise of Hugo Chavez, whilst openly mentioning that that the conservatives leading the fine British coalition received less of the popular vote than the demagogue in his land. I take both points as signs of exceptional quality. An electronic board, lacking even a baroque golden frame and semi-precious studding, flashes and I shuffle my goods to the next leg, a casual seven-hour ordeal this time, and then at last the Grande European Summer shall begin.

Koala, Bushfire Survivor

// February 11th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

This is incredibly Australian on about fourteen different levels.

Barack Obama: He Completes Us

// August 29th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Jon Stewart’s Daily Show develops its own intro for Obama’s acceptance of the Presidential nomination of the Democratic Party.

See Obama’s acceptance speech here.

Seinfeld: Back to Stand Up

// October 12th, 2007 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s Friday, I’ve got the flue, the company I work for was just bought by The Consortium and our CEO resigned- no energy to blog about strolling the Vatican or Forum Romana. All I can do is chuckle slightly and pray to the patron saint of Kleenex.


Seinfeld: Back to Stand Up

The Republican Beast-Elephant is Dead

// November 10th, 2006 // No Comments » // World Issues

“Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government.”
- Lenny Bruce, 1925-1966.

If you find the “prophanity” above offensive I suggest you listen to some of Lenny Bruce’s battles with the oppresive, chauvinist morality of “censorship” in the 50′s before you follow the link below. “Fuck” isn’t an obscenity, Guantanamo is an obscenity.

Join Bill Hicks and I in celebratory communion because “The Republican Beast-Elephant is Dead”! Schadenfreude shared by millions, but expressed as only Bill could- a man before his time indeed. Ladies and Gentlemen, the dark poet himself, Mr Bill Hicks on the defeat of the Republican Party. (1992). (N.B you might need this to listen to the audio file)

Bill Hicks, December 16, 1961 – February 26, 1994.

John Venn has no game

// November 8th, 2006 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Jesus visits the U.S. Embassy

// October 31st, 2005 // 2 Comments » // Travel

On Friday night I was standing in a line outside the U.S. embassy surrounded mostly by Americans keen on a Halloween party. In front of me was a guy dressed as Jesus; robes, sandals, beard and a massive wooden cross he had made from pieces of his own bed. There is an incredibly large number of jokes that can be made while waiting in a line with Jesus and I ensured that all of them were made in due course.

The highlight occurred when entering the embassy and venturing through the security and registration area. My notes from the evening, hastily scribbled upon parchment, read-

And Jesus was stopped by a U.S. Marine who looked at the large cross and said unto Jesus, “You know this can be used to hurt people?”
Jesus responded, with head downturned in knowing pain, “Only unto Me”.

That, my friends, is a parable for the modern age.

Injustice Morning

// October 18th, 2005 // No Comments » // Travel

Woke up, came online, tore my phone connection out of the wall. Internet cafe down the street is almost slower than the dial up. Still no word from the guys Im waiting to hear from. Outside hot … Im fasting, no water, trying not be grumpy…sentence structure defeated.. Children destroyed by plague, forced to live in belly of large aquatic mammal, picked to be parable for “testing”… Man, who gets picked for testing? Couldn’t I get picked for “rewarding”, or “unjustifiable discovery of playstation three?”. Damn.

Cute Party Time in Japan

// October 11th, 2005 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

Recently, I was looking for traineeship opportunities through AIESEC’s Work Abroad Program. Apart from some excellent professional positions that I’m considering I was forwarded this interesting opportunity.

"I' m interested in you!Our position is in kind of cute cafe, but teaching English to their customers.Customers enjoy speaking with taking some sips with tea or sweets!Sometimes they have cute party.We needs Native Speakers teaching English, with serving some foods for their customers. Ms. Yamamoto,the owner of this Cafe is great people, and enthusiastic for English education.You can learn a lot from her."

Now, as you well know I’m not one to turn down cute party, especially one that involves the sipping of tea or sweets at cute cafe. However, there is a more profitable business chatting to customers in Japan- and their cute party involves whiskey and many, many thousands of Yen.

And in these modern times of change, can’t we all learn a lot from
Ms. Yamamoto?

The Anti-Arthur

// June 15th, 2005 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

I have found the Anti-Arthur. There is a Japanese anime somewhere in which my blog “Codex Reprio” does battle with his blog “Swiss Skies” upon the tallest tower of NeoTokyo 3. If they hadn’t inserted that small amount of methanol into my test tube, it could of been me.